i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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