I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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