Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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