I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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