I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
