Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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