Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
