Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
