not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
