He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
