All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?