Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think even the taco bell employees judged me