Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
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Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life