i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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