I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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