Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
