First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
3pm strippers are depressing
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
