Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
