I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
as a side note pls kill me
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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