Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
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I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
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I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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