i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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