I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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