No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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