hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
