She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize