please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
