I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Drunk is a universal language darling
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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