good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
