I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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