I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
