my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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