This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
