Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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