Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
