Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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