i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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