We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I didn't notice because vodka
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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