That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
