i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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