headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize