Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
