Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
