haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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