Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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