i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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