i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
