I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
