i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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