he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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