maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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