I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
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I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
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When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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