We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
