The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
