Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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