You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i now understand why vodka
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
