I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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