Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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