im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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