fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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