My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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