I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
