Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
