one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
