Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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