I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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