My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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