i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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