You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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