guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
