I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
